Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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