she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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