Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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