yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
