Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
