Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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