Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
