oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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