we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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