So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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