i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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