I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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