you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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