I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
