I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
