whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
