So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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