Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
pray to the hookup gods
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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