My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
