Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There r osticjed everywhere
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
