dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
