Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
