you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
