they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
