There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
