I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
