Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
