Ketchup is God's man juice
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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