: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
