3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
