I heard we made out
i think my mom watched the whole time
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
