I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
