Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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