I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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