I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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