I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize