she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
