I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
