i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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