help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
