Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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