Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize