Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
