So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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