I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
