Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
