the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
