i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
