Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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