she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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