Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
