I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
