WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
