you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
