I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
