remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize