I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He felt like a one man threesome
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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