Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
