I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
