I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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