You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
