My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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