I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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