While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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