Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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